Bookish Thoughts: Why I’m not reading…

…or doing anything really.  Depression.  Pure and simple I’m stuck in a bout of depression.  I thought I wasn’t reading because I was too busy.  Work in the garden, work on the house, work at the library. Then I thought I wasn’t reading because I needed new glasses with bifocal lenses.  Still, need those but I don’t think that is the reason anymore.  I find myself not interested in much of anything right now.  Could be due to changes in my life from my cancer diagnosis, hysterectomy, and now dealing with menopause, a major life crisis, and hormonal shift can do a number on someone’s attitude.  Then there is the 30 year anniversary of my mother’s death, get over it already… A couple other issues that I’m going to keep private.  The reason doesn’t really matter though the results are the same I am stuck in a dark place right now and I’ve lost interest in pretty much everything.  I’m still getting some things accomplished with the garden and animals but if something’s life doesn’t depend on me rallying enough energy to do what needs to be done the task just isn’t happening.  I am going to make an effort to stick to my commitments to read the review books I’ve been granted access to but other than that I just can’t’ make any promises right now.  I hope I come out of this funk soon but if I don’t I will be seeking out professional help through counseling.  I’ve done it before and it helped.  So thank you for understanding and don’t give up on the blog yet.  I plan to stick around through the ups and downs of my personal life.  Posting just might become more sporadic.  I do hope to finish up an audiobook soon and a review book that came out last Friday, I feel so bad that I didn’t finish it before the release date…

Thanks for listening, happy reading~ Amy

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Bookish Thought: Confession…

Bookish Thoughts

Reading confession time.  I’ve not read a book in two weeks, not significant reading that is.  I haven’t found enjoyment in much of anything recently, actually.  It isn’t just the loss of Tilla, I think it is more than just her.  I don’t want to do anything at all.  Not chores, not reading, not much beyond sleeping and watching TV/YouTube.  I think I’ve slipped into depression.  I will get through it but I’m not feeling motivated to do any of the actual steps to overcome this funk.  I’m simply not happy.  I feel restless, I feel sad, I get angry and worry too much, I pick fights and unload my bad attitude on others.  I feel out of control and I don’t know what to do to get out of this downward spiral I find myself in.  I want to be happy, I want to be excited about things again, I want something to look forward to. I want to enjoy life again.  I know that I am the only one that can get myself out of this funk and part of that is breaking this unhealthy cycle I find myself in but quite frankly I’m not ready to leave this little dark cave I find myself in.  I just want life to continue with no surprises, no changes, no turmoil for a few months.  I also hate this time of year.  So depressing, everything is dying, its getting colder, chores are on the increase.  I just want to hibernate.  Maybe I need something new.  Maybe I need an amazing new world to explore…  Maybe I just need time.  Well thanks for letting me vent.  I hope to get to reading and reviewing again regularly.  If it gets too bad I’ll start limiting my tv and internet time to get back on track.